Today would have been Dad's 65th birthday. Seems so surreal that he's not there for me to call anymore. Many times in the past 4 months I've wanted to pick up the phone and talk to him. He always laughed when I shaved Lil man's hair into a mohawk in the summer. He would have been the perfect person to teach the girls how to drive a stick shift since not much rattled him driving wise. He did manage to teach me without losing his temper lol.
Dad and I didn't have the best of relationships. There was a lot of water and hurt under the bridge. I think we both wanted more but we didn't know how to get there. I think in some ways we were too much alike. Both of us kept our emotions close to our chests. There is a downfall to having poker faces. We hide the hurt others cause us and just soldier on. Doesn't necessarily make for healthy relationships sometimes.
I try to stay away from what ifs on this one. Just as I mourn for the loss of my Dad, I also mourn for what might have been. There are no guarantees that if things were different that they would be better. I just wish I would have been able to hear his voice one more time and have one more bear hug.
Miss you Dad.