It never gets easier

Today I went with my daughters to attend the funeral of one of their classmates. They attended, I stayed in the car (per request of the eldest) to wait for them.

As a parent it breaks my heart to see them lose yet another class mate (this makes 3 in 5 yrs). I try to balance my need to protect my children from the brunt of life's harsher realities with the realization that they have to experience them in order to cope with them. I won't know for a long time if I've succeeded, if ever really. I just know that when my children hurt. I hurt because I can't fix it for them. Kisses on skinned hearts don't make everything better. I can be there for them, but they have to find the strength inside themselves to square their shoulders and push through the pain and loss to the life lessons that lay on the other side of it.

Also, I grieve for the parents who have lost  a child. Regardless of the circumstances, losing a child is heartbreaking. I live with the fear that someday that will be my child. I cannot put myself in their shoes, I cannot fathom the hole that is left. Just trying to imagine it takes my breath away.

My heart aches today.

Amarillo by morning...

Amarillo sunrise 03/7/12 in overlooking Wolflin Village

I know it's been a while since I've been on here. School has been insane and with Tanith turning 17 in January, I've been trying to cram those moments in as much as possible. I had to take a break though and make a delivery. By hand. In Amarillo.

I flew in yesterday and turned up on Mom's doorstep to deliver my graduation announcement in person. Now keep in mind I hadn't seen her in 4 years, and haven't been home in 10. 

Today we are spending the day together and I will get a closer look at all the changes time has wrought on my hometown. There are some that I have already noticed: there are now Starbucks in Amarillo...15 yrs ago when I left there were none, the grocery store by Mom's house is now a thrift store, and Western Plaza...well it's been demolished & rebuilt w/ a Burlington Coat factory. 

I'll post more as I notice, but for now I'm off to take a pretty lady out for breakfast =)