It's been almost a month since Dad passed. I've gotten over the whole knee jerk crying reaction when thinking about him or seeing something that reminds me of him. Now it's down to this dull ache that never seems to go away.
Work has helped. It's hard to think about it when you are so busy taking care of others that there's no time to ruminate over what ifs. Kyle & the kids have helped the most. They make me laugh even if I don't think I can.
We are coming down to the wire for the band trip in April where the girls will march Magic Kingdom at Disney. The band kids and band parents have been working on fundraising for this trip for the last year and have made a good size dent in the transportation costs. So we are all looking forward to the warm and sunny Florida next month.
Time to go clean....yay...not.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Heartbreak
Today's post is a hard one to write. I lost my father yesterday morning. He was in hospice and we knew it was coming, but it was still too soon.
My heart hurts as I look through his medical records from the VA and realize just how much he hid from us about his physical and psychological issues. My father never found peace. He roamed and wandered in an effort to find that and never did.
As a part time parent (he only had me every summer and every other Christmas and spring break) he did his best to spend time with me. I remember on more than one occasion where he stopped by the school to check on me and my grades, even though he lived 9 hours away.
He wasn't perfect, but he was who he was and our approval wasn't needed. Guess I didn't stray too far from that ideology.
Good-bye Daddy, I hope where ever you end up that you find peace and comfort.
My heart hurts as I look through his medical records from the VA and realize just how much he hid from us about his physical and psychological issues. My father never found peace. He roamed and wandered in an effort to find that and never did.
As a part time parent (he only had me every summer and every other Christmas and spring break) he did his best to spend time with me. I remember on more than one occasion where he stopped by the school to check on me and my grades, even though he lived 9 hours away.
He wasn't perfect, but he was who he was and our approval wasn't needed. Guess I didn't stray too far from that ideology.
Good-bye Daddy, I hope where ever you end up that you find peace and comfort.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Winter Neutral
Well the cabin fever seems to have abated a bit. Got my football fix yesterday watching the Super Bowl. Now life settles in to it's routine again. Well, as routine as my life gets anyways. The job is still going awesome and I'm really enjoying getting involved in the organization as a whole. Starting to cut my teeth in research and am definitely looking forward to the opportunity that has presented itself. They say you can't change the world by yourself, but you can change your corner of it. If that's the case, the company I'm working for is a great vehicle in which to do that.
Have dialed in that I want to go back for my Ph.D in a few years so I can teach. I love having the nursing students on the floor putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and then seeing their faces light up when they get it.
Commuting stinks. I think that's the only downside of all of this. Granted, being away from my family makes me appreciate them more. However, I really miss seeing them get all silly like they did yesterday morning. There was a huge box on the front porch leftover from a delivery that we hadn't broken down yet. Tanith, Harlee, A.J., and Courtney proceeded to spend the next hour coming up with ways to use said box to entertain themselves while Kyle and I were making goodies for the football game. As much as I say I'm ready for them to leave the nest, the house will be really quiet when they do.
Found a new indie author on the Kindle last month and found his blog this morning: http://richardraley.blogspot.com/
He definitely has some interesting characters in his King Henry series. If foul language offends you don't read it. If you're like me and it doesn't faze you one way or another, find him on Amazon and give him a try. Quick reading, but enjoyable and will definitely elicit more than a few chuckles. He also has book reviews for 2012 releases that are to the point and helpful.
Ok, I guess I've kicked around on here long enough. Time to go run errands and be somewhat productive today.
Have dialed in that I want to go back for my Ph.D in a few years so I can teach. I love having the nursing students on the floor putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and then seeing their faces light up when they get it.
Commuting stinks. I think that's the only downside of all of this. Granted, being away from my family makes me appreciate them more. However, I really miss seeing them get all silly like they did yesterday morning. There was a huge box on the front porch leftover from a delivery that we hadn't broken down yet. Tanith, Harlee, A.J., and Courtney proceeded to spend the next hour coming up with ways to use said box to entertain themselves while Kyle and I were making goodies for the football game. As much as I say I'm ready for them to leave the nest, the house will be really quiet when they do.
Found a new indie author on the Kindle last month and found his blog this morning: http://richardraley.blogspot.com/
He definitely has some interesting characters in his King Henry series. If foul language offends you don't read it. If you're like me and it doesn't faze you one way or another, find him on Amazon and give him a try. Quick reading, but enjoyable and will definitely elicit more than a few chuckles. He also has book reviews for 2012 releases that are to the point and helpful.
Ok, I guess I've kicked around on here long enough. Time to go run errands and be somewhat productive today.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Cabin Fever
It's barely the beginning of winter and here I am restless as all get out. Part of that may be that I haven't smoked a cigarette since Friday morning (God help the people around me for the next month...if the past 2 days are any indication, I am going to be a cranky wench). It rained all day yesterday, it's raining today, and dang it I just want to go outside for a while and enjoy the 70+ degree weather outside.
Things aren't happening as quickly as I want (as always I want everything RIGHT NOW), and I'm irritable because of it. That's not all of what's making me contrary, but I'm not ready to go into that at the moment. I'm ready for some sunshine, some outdoor activity, and some R&R. I cleared 90 hours at work in the past two weeks and I'm ready for something.....anything at this point to do other than clean the house and watch the rain fall all day. Football will be a minor distraction this afternoon.
I feel like I could zap someone with all this nervous energy running around in my head? I don't have a good outlet at the moment, I need to move but am paralyzed by the lack of a direction. I know, I know just pick one.
Ok, am going to clean something....at least it's accomplishing something with all this energy.
Things aren't happening as quickly as I want (as always I want everything RIGHT NOW), and I'm irritable because of it. That's not all of what's making me contrary, but I'm not ready to go into that at the moment. I'm ready for some sunshine, some outdoor activity, and some R&R. I cleared 90 hours at work in the past two weeks and I'm ready for something.....anything at this point to do other than clean the house and watch the rain fall all day. Football will be a minor distraction this afternoon.
I feel like I could zap someone with all this nervous energy running around in my head? I don't have a good outlet at the moment, I need to move but am paralyzed by the lack of a direction. I know, I know just pick one.
Ok, am going to clean something....at least it's accomplishing something with all this energy.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
And the wheel keeps on turning
I'm posting this a few days early because I won't be near a computer until Thursday and that would be after the fact and completely pointless.
1. The world can be scary, I know that you know this. Find your safe place and guard it fiercely.
2. Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on and hold you as accountable as you will hold them.
3. Be the friend you want, relationships should never be one-sided.
4. Don't be afraid to dream, when you stop dreaming, you lose hope. Hope is a must have for life.
5. Be compassionate. Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes if possible. Just because it's not the way you normally do things, does not make it automatically wrong.
6. I am always here for you. Doesn't matter if it's for a hug, a sounding board, a vent, a safe place, whatever. I am always here for you.
7. Life begins outside your comfort zone. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable every once in a while.
8. When it comes to men (boys), remember what Dad and I have tried to show you. You know what your worth is, don't let a jerk take it away from you.
9. Don't leave your siblings behind completely. I know that you are now in a different space and that you won't always get along, but you will cherish those relationships when you get older.
10. Last but certainly not least. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You have grown into a beautiful young woman in heart and mind. I cannot wait to see the direction you choose for you are capable of just about anything you set your mind to. Adversity is not an obstacle, it is a stepping stone. Don't intentionally seek it out, but embrace it when it comes because it means you are growing as a person.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANITH!!!!!!!
My baby girl will be 18 later on this week. So many things I want to say to her. So many things I don't know how to say. We spent yesterday playing Lazer-tag, riding go karts and bumper cars, and generally being silly. I will miss these days as she gets older, though I hope she keeps her ability to be crazy and zany at the drop of a hat. So I guess I will post a few things I want her to remember as her path through life as an adult officially begins.1. The world can be scary, I know that you know this. Find your safe place and guard it fiercely.
2. Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on and hold you as accountable as you will hold them.
3. Be the friend you want, relationships should never be one-sided.
4. Don't be afraid to dream, when you stop dreaming, you lose hope. Hope is a must have for life.
5. Be compassionate. Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes if possible. Just because it's not the way you normally do things, does not make it automatically wrong.
6. I am always here for you. Doesn't matter if it's for a hug, a sounding board, a vent, a safe place, whatever. I am always here for you.
7. Life begins outside your comfort zone. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable every once in a while.
8. When it comes to men (boys), remember what Dad and I have tried to show you. You know what your worth is, don't let a jerk take it away from you.
9. Don't leave your siblings behind completely. I know that you are now in a different space and that you won't always get along, but you will cherish those relationships when you get older.
10. Last but certainly not least. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You have grown into a beautiful young woman in heart and mind. I cannot wait to see the direction you choose for you are capable of just about anything you set your mind to. Adversity is not an obstacle, it is a stepping stone. Don't intentionally seek it out, but embrace it when it comes because it means you are growing as a person.
Love you!!!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Fall madness
Fall is here. I do believe that it cooled off as quickly as it warmed up this summer. The AC is off and it's getting nice & chilly at night. Fall also signals the start of Marching season, football season, and homecoming parades for the girls. It has been a challenge in scheduling to say the least. Kyle has been the lifesaver in all of this and I am so glad that he's in a place with his job that he can step up and take care of the things I am unable to.
Tomorrow is the Homecoming Parade for MCHS so I will get to watch it before I head back to Louisville to work, though I won't get to see the game. It's hard to believe that Tanith is a senior this year. Seems just like yesterday that she was 2 getting Easter pictures done in Amarillo. Sigh.
Harlee is really coming into her own this year. It's so interesting to watch the kids figure out who they want be as they go through their teen years. She's more assertive and vocal about how people are. Makes for some interesting conversations here at home.
A.J. though, he is a trip. For those that remember the nursery rhyme, "The girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead" comes to mind. He's definitely all boy and into everything. I think by the time it's all said and done, we'll have a percussionist in the house as well as the brass that the girls play. If he hears something with a beat, he can't stay still. The legs are jiggling, fingers are tapping, and the head is bobbing. It makes car rides very interesting, especially in my little Miata.
October is going to be crazy busy. This weekend is Homecoming and the next 2 weekends after that are competition weekends. Kyle's sister is coming down as well and we are going to get to spend time with her & her family. Oct. 26th is Senior night, so Kyle and I will be standing with Tanith as she get's recognized. I'm going to have to find someone to man my camera for that night!
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| Mr. M gets the Drumline ready for the Exhibition in Clay county |
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| Tanith conducting during warm-ups at Clay county |
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| Beginning of the show before the salute to the judges |
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| Harlee and the low brass line during warm-up |
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Learning curve
Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted last. Life has been very busy with the two oldest in Marching band, little man in school, and me at the new job.
Marching season is upon us again. The girls participated in their 1st exhibition yesterday. The band did well and it was a good opportunity to work out the bugs of the performance & get the nerves out of their system before next weekends double header competition. If you know me personally & I'm not available to talk for the next 6 wks, this is your heads up as to why lol.
Kyle has been holding down the fort while I work since he works in town. He picks up the girls from practice, works with the band parents at the concession stand, and is the go to person for every one it seems. He makes it look easy when I know for a fact somedays you just want to tell everyone where they can go. So if you see him around, let him know what a great job he's doing =).
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Tuesday begins my 4th week at the new job and my 3rd week on the floor. I have discovered that I LOVE med/surg. I am always going. Granted, this may change as the rose colored glasses come off. But for the most part I'm pretty sure I've found my nursing home as far as specialties go.
There has been a huge learning curve when it comes to learning the policy & procedure of the company as well as learning my scope of practice according to the state of KY vs TN. Add that to learning charting software (Carelink for now w/ EPIC going live on 10/1), prioritization, and dealing with the pyxis system (I swear I have more sign-ons than a govt. agent!). Whew! I've been a busy girl =)
My preceptors and my educator have been awesome. I've made a few goofs (don't we all?), and they have been gracious & understanding.
I will say that I don't know that I have ever seen a company that walks it's talk as well as this one does. Every company I've worked for in the past usually had a huge disconnect between what the Administration wanted/needed and what the regular folks wanted/needed. With this company it's not like that. Again, this opinion might change once the rose colored glasses come off, but for now I definitely think I'm where I need to be.
Marching season is upon us again. The girls participated in their 1st exhibition yesterday. The band did well and it was a good opportunity to work out the bugs of the performance & get the nerves out of their system before next weekends double header competition. If you know me personally & I'm not available to talk for the next 6 wks, this is your heads up as to why lol.
Kyle has been holding down the fort while I work since he works in town. He picks up the girls from practice, works with the band parents at the concession stand, and is the go to person for every one it seems. He makes it look easy when I know for a fact somedays you just want to tell everyone where they can go. So if you see him around, let him know what a great job he's doing =).
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Tuesday begins my 4th week at the new job and my 3rd week on the floor. I have discovered that I LOVE med/surg. I am always going. Granted, this may change as the rose colored glasses come off. But for the most part I'm pretty sure I've found my nursing home as far as specialties go.
There has been a huge learning curve when it comes to learning the policy & procedure of the company as well as learning my scope of practice according to the state of KY vs TN. Add that to learning charting software (Carelink for now w/ EPIC going live on 10/1), prioritization, and dealing with the pyxis system (I swear I have more sign-ons than a govt. agent!). Whew! I've been a busy girl =)
My preceptors and my educator have been awesome. I've made a few goofs (don't we all?), and they have been gracious & understanding.
I will say that I don't know that I have ever seen a company that walks it's talk as well as this one does. Every company I've worked for in the past usually had a huge disconnect between what the Administration wanted/needed and what the regular folks wanted/needed. With this company it's not like that. Again, this opinion might change once the rose colored glasses come off, but for now I definitely think I'm where I need to be.
One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes. - Benjamin Disraeli
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